The Bin Laden VS ???? series
by Ninjalinda
Summary: Bush challenges Bin Laden to a tag battle... Don't read if you think you'll be offended by Bin Laden jokes... Rated PG-13 for voilence and bad language. READ AND REVIEW!
1. Bin Laden VS Nemesis

The Bin Laden VS ???? series.

Bin Laden VS Nemesis

Somewhere in Afghanistan:

-Aaaaaaaaaarrrrrgh!

An angry scream seemed to shaken the whole cave.

Bin Laden was wandering restless around. His men carefully backed away. Some of them tried to calm him down, but they soon wished that they never did...

-I'm sick of sitting in this cave! Bin Laden suddenly shouted.

-Well... you should have thought about that before you... a small guy with a big gun said.

-Before I...? Bin Laden pierced him with his eyes.

-Err... Never mind!

-I'm sick of you useless, unintelligent lunatics, I'm sick of sitting in this cave, I'm sick of...

-Sick of hiding from the Americans? someone suggested.

-YES! I'M SICK OF HIDING! Bin Laden screamed.

-You don't have to scream, you know. We're not deaf. another one of the terrorists mumbled and prayed that Bin Laden hadn't heard what he said.

But he had heard it perfectly...

-I'M NOT SCREAMING! I'M ONLY SPEAKING LOUD! UNDERSTOOD?! he screamed to the poor man. The man held his arms up as defence. But to his surprise Bin Laden turned around and started walking back and forth again.

-Uhhh... Boss? I have to ask... the small guy began.

-Not now! I'm thinking!

-Is that even possible? an terrorist in the back of the room mumbled sarcastically for himself.

After several minutes, Bin Laden stopped.

-Why didn't I come up with this before? All I have to do is to disguise myself...

The other terrorists looked at each other and sighed, but they didn't say a word.

Later, outside:

-I have the feeling of someone's stalking me. Bin Laden whispered to his bodyguard.

-Well, that shouldn't be so wierd. After all you are the worlds most wanted man... the bodyguard replied.

Bin Laden picked up a stick and whacked him.

-This is different...

-America's new secret weapon?

Bin Laden whacked him again.

Suddenly a deep, raspy voice groaned:

-O-S-A-M-A!!!

Bin Laden looked around nervously.

-Wh.... what... what was tha... that?

-How the hell should I know? All I know for sure is that it seems to be after you... the  bodyguard shrugged his shoulders.

-O-S-A-M-A!!!

Bin Laden hided behind his bodyguard.

-Do something!

-Not before you promise never to hit me again! was the wise reply.

-How dare you! Bin Laden began.

Then a huge monster, dressed in a black trench coat appeared. It stared at them with one eye. It pointed the rocket launcher melted into its arm at Bin Laden.

-O-S-A-M-A!!! It said with raspy voice.

-Ok! Ok! I promise I'll never hit you again!! Bin Laden cried.

-Ha ha! Fooled ya! Handle this yourself, I'm not risking my own life to save your poor ass! Bye bye! the bodyguard ran away, leaving Bin Laden alone with the Nemesis.

-O-S-A-M-A!!

-Holy shit! Bin Laden ran after the bodyguard.

When he reached his cave, he was exhausted.

-I'm never leaving this cave again! he panted and went inside.

The other terrorists looked surprised at him when he walked in.

His bodyguard grinned.

-Is it you?! We hoped you were... Err... I mean... we thought you were dead.

Bin Laden snorted and went to his "living room". He sat down on the floor and breathed out after the shock of meeting that monster.

-I'm safe. he mumbled.

He shouldn't have said that...

-O-S-A-M-A!!!

-NO!! It can't be!

Bin Laden ran deeper into the cave. 

-It will never find me here. he said and leaned against the cold stonewall.

-O-S-A-M-A!!!

-Oh no...

There was nowhere to run now. He was trapped.

He stared in horror on the monstrous creature that came out from the shadows. He noticed that the other terrorists came after it, holding flashlights so they could see better. They made a circle around Bin Laden and the Nemesis and started whistling and cheering.

-Nemesis! Nemesis! Nemesis! they cheered.

-Thanks a lot guys! Bin Laden shouted in an angry tune. –That really made me feel better!

Nemesis took a step towards him. It raised its rocket launcher.

-Hey! This is unfair! I'm unarmed! Bin Laden protested.

Someone threw in Bin Laden's personal AK-47. 

-Ohhh!! That will probably scare the shit out of him! Bin Laden said sarcastically and picked up the gun. 

-Well, at least in not unarmed... he mumbled to himself.

-Nemesis! Nemesis! Nemesis!

-Shut up please! My self-confidence is at the bottom already!

-O-S-A-M-A!!

-Nemesis! Nemesis! Nemesis!

-Aaaargh!

Bin Laden started firing his AK-47 at the Nemesis. The monster didn't seem to notice. It just kept going.

-Eat this you son of a bitch!

CLICK CLICK CLICK

-Damn!

Bin Laden looked up at the towering monster. 

-O-S-A-M-A!!

-Help anyone!

The other terrorists looked at each other and then they bursted out in laughter. 

-Fuck you guys!

-Nemesis! Nemesis! Nemesis! Nemesis! they shouted louder than before.

-I'm doomed... Bin Laden said as the monster grabbed him and lifted him up.

The Nemesis studied him for a second and then threw him into the wall.

CRACK

-Ahahahaaaargh!! My back!

The Nemesis came towards him again and grabbed him by the arm.

-O-S-A-M-A!!!

CRACK

The terrorists knew what came up next and turned around. They didn't want to see this.

-Mommy! I want my mommy!! Bin Laden cried when he saw the Nemesis point the rocket launcher at him again. The Nemesis took aim and...

KA-BLAM!!! SPLAT!!!

-Ohhhh.... the terrorists said when they turned back and saw the remains of Bin Laden smeared on the wall. Only the turban was left.

The Nemesis glared at them. Then it aimed...

-Run!!!! 

They started to run the way they came from.

-KA-BLAM!

Nemesis walked over the dead bodies of the terrorists on its way out of the cave.

-D-E-A-D-O-S-A-M-A!!! It said happily and ran away.

To be continued....

Ahhh... that felt good. I just had to kill that bastard in some fic! And here is what I came up with: The Bin Laden VS ???? series.

First one out was Nemesis. Who will kill Osama in the next story? You can choose characters from Resident Evil, Silent Hill, Metal Gear Solid, Tekken, Animorphs, Lucky Luke (he he), Worms (ha ha ha!) or we can have a car from Gran Turismo run over him...

The character/car who gets most votes will be in the next story.

E-mail me on: Ninjalinda@techfreak.to

Ninjalinda


	2. Bin Laden VS Leon S. Kennedy

The Bin Laden VS ???? series.

Bin Laden VS Leon S. Kennedy

At a disco... uhhh... somewhere:

A mystic man dressed in a long coat entered the disco. He was wearing sunglasses and really looked like he didn't want anyone to recognise him.

Behind him followed a taller man, also wearing sunglasses. He leaned closer to the other man:

-Osama? Are you sure this is a good idea? What if somebody finds out who we are? 

-Well, I'm bored to death in that cave, so now I want to have some fun. I don't think anyone will recognise us in this disguise.

-If you say so...

They walked in. Loud music, screaming, dancing people, disco lights. Perfect...

-Come on! Let's have some fun!

Outside the disco:

-Leon! Wait!

Claire Redfield ran towards the young cop.

-What are you doing here? Leon asked.

-I was just tired of watching TV... 

-Anyone else's coming? Leon stared down the street as if he looked for someone.

-Jill said that she would come later if Chris would go with her.

They became silent for a while. Then Leon leaned closer to her and whispered:

-I've been thinking of you all the time since that night...

-Shhh!!! Not here! People can hear us! Claire blushed and put a finger on his lips.

-There's no one here.

-Let's go inside, Leon. I'm freezing. she said as she turned around to enter the disco. Leon held her back.

-Let me at least kiss you... he whispered.

-Leon... 

He closed her mouth with his lips. Claire gave in. She sighed of joy.

-Ok, let's go inside. Wanna dance? Leon took her hand and dragged her to the door.

Inside again:

-That girl over there looks fine... the bodyguard said.

-No... Not my type... Hey! What about her?! Bin Laden pointed on a young girl who was standing alone by the door. She had long, brown hair in a ponytail and blue eyes. And on the top of that, she was dressed in mini skirt...

-You're not serious are you?!

-Of course I am!

-But she's American! What if she finds out who you are?! You'll be dead before you know it!

-Don't worry. As long as I'm disguised, I'm safe.

Bin Laden dashed off towards the beautiful girl. His bodyguard tried to reach the exit.

-That's it! I'm outta here! I'm too young to die!

Bin Laden walked over to the girl.

-Hi. he began.

-Uhhh... Hi. she replied.

-I'm Osa... Oscar! And you? 

-Claire. the girl answered. She tried to move away from him. She really didn't like this guy.

-Nice... Wanna dance?

Claire didn't know any other way to get rid of him than telling him the truth:

-No! You smell like a goat!

And then she ran over to Leon who was sitting together with his friends. Bin Laden glared after her.

-Fuck you, bitch! he muttered.

Unlucky for him, Leon heard what he said...

-What did you call her?! Leon jumped up from the chair, walked over to Bin Laden and grabbed him by the collar.

-Let go of me! Bin Laden shouted.

-Not until you tell her you're sorry! Leon hissed.

-She is the one who should be sorry! Want to know what she said to me?!

WHAM!

Leon's fist hit him in the nose. Blood spurted. And his sunglasses fell to the floor...

Suddenly it became very quiet in the room. Even the music stopped.

Leon gasped when he saw the face of the man in front of him.

-Holy shit! It's Bin Laden!

Everybody stared at him for a while, before someone yelled:

-Have at him!

-Where is that damned bodyguard of mine?! Bin Laden said and tried to reach the exit before they jumped on him. But there was no use....

-Stay back! He's mine! Leon shouted and gave him a kick in the head.

-You're not going to have him all by yourself! someone else shouted back. –We also want to take part in the fun!

-Ok ok! Let's all teach him not to mess with the US!

Bin Laden ducked when a chair flew towards him, but was hit by a table instead.

-Ohh... That's gonna leave a mark... he said and tried to focus his eyes on one thing at the time.

Someone threw a TV at him. It nearly knocked him out. Blood dripped from several wounds.

-That for sure did not feel very good... he said before Leon knocked him to the ground. 

Leon sat on top of him and stared him into his eyes.

-And now... your days will end! Leon said with hate in his voice.

-LEON! LEON! LEON! The other people cheered.

Leon took a good grip around Bin Laden's neck and got ready to break it.

-Whoa! Game over! Bin Laden shouted.

CRACK!

Leon threw away Bin Laden's dead body and gave the others the victory sign.

-What should we do with him now? someone asked. 

-I have an idea! Claire said.

Later in Bin Laden's cave:

-Mmmm... Nice meatballs... one of the terrorists complemented to the young girl who brought them food (Claire in disguise...).

-You really think so? I've made them myself. she said.

-What's in them? another one asked.

-I'm not sure you would like to know.... Claire replied and went outside.

The terrorists stared after her.

-What did she mean by that? 

Outside Claire's evil laughter could be heard.

To be continued....

You can only guess what, or should we say who, was the main ingredient in those meatballs.... 

I know that they maybe don't eat meatballs down there, but I thought the idea was funny and I had to write that down.

And by the way; Bin Laden's comments during the fight is taken from a flash movie I saw on the internet somewhere. You should see it! If you want to know where to find it, mail me and I'll tell you.

Now we have had Nemesis and Leon. Who will kill Osama in the next story? You can choose characters from Resident Evil, Silent Hill, Metal Gear Solid, Tekken, Animorphs, Lucky Luke (he he), Worms (ha ha ha!) or we can have a car from Gran Turismo run over him...

The character/car who gets most votes will be in the next story.

E-mail me on: Ninjalinda@techfreak.to

Ninjalinda


	3. Bin Laden VS Visser Three

The Bin Laden VS ???? series.

Bin Laden VS Visser Three

In Cassie's barn:

-What was it you were going to tell us, Tobias? Jake asked.

You're not going to be happy to hear this! The Time Matrix is found... and guess who's found it...

-Visser Three? Rachel suggested.

Nope. Worse!!

-Uhh... Saddam Hussein?

You're getting closer...

-Hmmm.. Who can it be..? Tobias. I give up. Tell us. Rachel said.

Sit down and take a deep breath...

-So this really is bad news... Marco mumbled.

Osama Bin Laden has found the Time Matrix! Tobias said.

Everyone became quiet.

Jake sighed.

-That's not good... not good...

-I smell trouble... Don't say it, Jake... Don't say it... Marco stared hopefully at Jake.

-We have to take it from him! Jake declared.

-He said it... Marco sniffed. –Here we go again...

-Ok. Let's make a plan. Nothing must go wrong! This man is insane! Nobody knows what he may do if he's pushed into a corner! Jake wrote something down on a chocolate-paper.

-I won't hesitate to kill him or his Al-Qaida cronies! Cassie suddenly shouted. She had been very quiet since Tobias told them the news.

-Cassie?! Is this you? Marco wondered. –Good, old "violence-is-bad-Cassie"?

In the Blade ship:

The Visser was standing in front of a monitor. He didn't look very happy. A dead Hork-Bajir was lying next to him.

What now? That guy who found the Time Matrix knows about the yeerk invasion! 

-So what? He's a bad guy isn't he? Chapman asked. Suddenly he'd got Visser Three's tail blade pressed to his throat.

Yes, he is! But he doesn't want to be a controller, and for that he must get rid of us yeerks! Understand? He can wipe out our whole existence with that thing! Visser shouted.

-So what do we do now? Chapman managed to ask.

Visser Three removed his tail blade from his throat. Chapman breathed out.

We'll pay him a visit...

Afghanistan:

-What's this thing? Bin Laden wondered.

-I have no idea. one of his men muttered. –I'll go and have something to eat, if you don't mind. I haven't eaten anything for two days.

Bin Laden waved him away. –Just go.

When he was alone, he put his hands on the round, shiny thing in front of him.

-It reminds me of marbles. I remember that my mom gave me an marble when I were a kid...

Suddenly he was in a bedroom. He looked around and saw a three-year old boy playing with a marble. When the little boy saw him he started to scream and ran into the next room.

-Mommy!! Ugly man in my room!!

Bin Laden took a quick look in a mirror hanging on the wall.

-I don't look that bad, do I? he asked himself.

Then a lady entered the room. Bin Laden stared at her in surprise. Even though she was dressed in a way that only made her eyes visible, he recognised her.

-Mom? he whispered.

-What do you mean by that?! the woman asked in an angry tune.

-Then that boy... is me. Bin Laden looked at the boy.

-Are you drunked? Who the hell are you? Get out of Osama's room, or else I'll scream for the guards! the lady yelled.

-It is me... Bin Laden mumbled. Then he looked at the Time Matrix and grinned. –I can travel back in time with this... I can change the history of the world! 

He laughed his evil laugh when he placed both hand on the Time Matrix again.

Somewhere nearby:

-Well, where are we now? Weren't we supposed to find Bin Laden's cave? Marco asked.

-Nobody knows where it is... besides... Jake stopped and smiled.

Who? Who know where his cave is? Tobias landed on his shoulder.

-Visser Three... Jake whispered. –We have to find him. He's gotta help us.

-But how? Visser Three would never help us! Cassie shouted.

-There is one reason that he should... Jake grinned.

-What?

-If we don't get the Time Matrix away from Bin Laden... Bin Laden can wipe out the whole existence of the yeerks! And Visser doesn't want that... Ax finished, before Jake had the chance to explain.

-But wouldn't he do us a favour if he gets rid of the yeerks? Marco asked.

-Maybe. But we can't wait until he's done that. Just think of what damage he can do in the meantime!

-Right! Let's find Visser Three! Rachel said with a voice full of enthusiasm.

Somewhere else:

This is bad! Bin Laden has found out how to use the Time Matrix! Visser Three was standing in a forest. He had just been in his blade ship and now, just a few second after, he was standing here.

Where are my troops? he wondered.

Visser! Your new troops have arrived! someone said in thought speech.

Who said that? the Visser let his stalk eyes search the area.

I did. Ax said and walked out from the shadows. The others were in flea morph and were located in his blue fur. 

Andalite! 

The Visser's tail twitched.

It would be a mistake to kill me now, yeerk. Ax said calmly. 

What do you want? Visser Three shouted.

Your help.

What makes you think that I would help you?!

We know who's found the Time Matrix, and we also know that he can use it to get rid of you filthy yeerks... Let's make a deal... We'll help you find him and save the yeerks, and you let us have the Time Matrix. Ok?

The Visser looked down at the grass.

I have no choice. he said sadly.

At another place:

Bin Laden was walking down the streets of a medieval town. 

-I've always wondered how it was like to live in these days...

He stopped. The ground was shaking.

When he looked up he saw five horses running right towards him. There were men in shiny armour riding them. His eyes caught their heavy swords.

-Oh shit! he threw himself out of their way. He looked after the knight who continued up the street. 

-Sunday driver! he muttered.

Hey you! Stop right there! 

Bin Laden was confused. The voice was inside his head? What was this?

-Me? he managed to ask.

Yeah! You!

Suddenly a bird landed on his turban.

-A talking bird?

Ohhh... A genius aren't you? Tobias said sarcastically.

-Get of my head! Bin Laden tried to scare the bird away.

-I have to get back to that time machine... he mumbled for himself.

Oh no, you don't! another voice said. Visser Three and Ax came from the nearest house.

-Tell me this is a nightmare! Talking birds and blue monsters... this is too much for me! Bin Laden started to run down the street. But curious civilians blocked the way. Even though most of them ran away when they saw Visser Three and Ax, there was still impossible to get through the mass of people. Bin Laden sat down and rested his head in his hands.

You're not so though alone, are you? Cassie said. She was in her wolf morph.

Bin Laden started to shiver. The wolf was so damn right...

Cassie was about to attack the arab, when Jake stopped her.

We can't kill him here! We don't know what will happen if we do!

You're right, Jake. We have to get back to our own time.

Marco jumped out from a window. He had morphed to gorilla.

Come here, Binny-boy! You're going to show us where the Time Matrix is! he grabbed Bin Laden by the arm and dragged him into the forest.

-Let go of me! I can walk by myself! Bin Laden hissed.

You really think that I would let go of you so you can run away? Marco's gorilla mouth made something that looked like a smile.

-I'll never tell you where to find it! Bin Laden shouted.

You want to know what I'll do if you don't cooperate?

No answer.

I'll squeeze you until your eyes drop out! Marco said and wrapped his arms around Bin Laden and started to squeeze him. Bin Laden's face turned red and he gasped for air.

-No! No! I'll tell you! 

Good boy! Marco put him down, but was still holding his arm.

Bin Laden leaded them through the forest and soon they reached a river. On the other side they could she a big, shiny ball. The Time Matrix.

The river wasn't deep, so they got across it without problems.

Now put your hands on it and get us back to our time and your cave. Rachel said.

Bin Laden gave them all a furious glare when he followed Rachel's order.

In the next moment they found themselves in a dark and cold cave.

Visser Three said something to Jake in private thought speech. Jake nodded.

It's a deal, Visser. He's all yours.

The Visser smiled the strange way andalites smile. With his eyes.

Then he took a step towards Bin Laden. 

Jake explained to the others what deal he and the Visser had come up with.

He'll let us have the Time Matrix without a fight, if we let him kill Bin Laden alone...

The animorphs formed a circle around Bin Laden and Visser Three.

VISSER! VISSER! VISSER!

Wow! I never thought I was going to hear the andalites cheering for me1 the Visser laughed.

Bin Laden looked like he was trying to crawl into the wall when Visser Three came towards him.

FWAPP!

-AAAARRGH!!

Bin Laden's hand was chopped off by the Visser's tail blade.

No, no... Not the tail blade... It's too boring... the Visser said to himself. I think my new morph will be excellent fro this...

Bin Laden shivered even more when he saw the Visser starting to change form. He whimpered like a dog.

Visser Three grew bigger. So big that he was near to touch the ceiling. Then his hooves turned into long, green tentacles. Five more tentacles popped out of his back. His head got a big mouth with long, sharp teeth. 

He looked down at the coward in front of him. Then he picked up Bin Laden's hand that he had chopped off and put it in his mouth and started to chew.

Bin Laden closed his eyes and swallowed.

Eyes open, please! Or else... the Visser shouted.

Bin Laden quickly opened his eyes again.

The Visser grabbed his arm and started to pull. Bin Laden cried out in pain and this time the Visser succeeded in making him cry. Tears streamed down his cheeks.

Visser ripped his arm off causing him to scream like a baby.

I haven't eaten anything for breakfast today...

Visser Three took a large bit of the arm and forced Bin Laden to look at him while he ate it. Bin Laden nearly threw up.

-Please! No! he begged when the Visser took his other arm and started to pull.

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

You taste like shit! But I'll force myself to eat you one piece at a time only because you deserve it!

The Visser swallowed the arm in one piece. He picked up Bin Laden and held him over his gaping mouth.

You're bleeding badly! I'll drink the blood so the floor won't be slippery.

Bin Laden howled of pain when Visser Three started to squeeze him to send the blood in a spray into the mouth.

Cool! Spray can!

Bin Laden was half dead from blood loss and pain, when the Visser put him down.

Now... Let's remove your legs, so you can't escape from me...

Visser Three ripped off his legs and ate them.

Bin Laden felt his life run out, like sand in an hourglass. Slowly. Painful.

-Please! Finish me quick! he prayed.

Well... There are no more body parts I can remove... 

The Visser lifted him up and put him in the mouth. Bin Laden breathed out and was glad the pain would end quickly.

...but I'll chew slowly! the Visser laughed.

-No! Please kill me quickly! Bin Laden cried.

I never thought I would hear someone pray for death! Ha ha ha! 

He started to chew slowly as he had said. Bin Laden screamed and writhed in pain.

Then finally the Visser swallowed.

Great going, Visser! the animorphs yelled.

Man, I'm going to have a real bad stomach ache tomorrow... I never learn! Visser Three said as he morphed back to his andalite body.

The Visser bid the animorphs farewell and left the cave.

Ax looked at the Time Matrix.

Ok. We've got to hide this somewhere that nobody will ever find it!

To be continued....

Good boy, Visser! That's the way to treat a scumbag like Osama! I wouldn't like to eat him though... Yuck! I need to throw up...

Now we have had Nemesis, Leon and Visser Three. Next one up is Pyramid Head from Silent Hill 2 and after that it's Solid Snake and the cyborg ninja's turn. Someone suggested the Toyota Supra RZ and the Suzuki Escudo Pikes Peak version and I might put in one of them too... It's two really wonderful cars...

You decide who's gonna fight Bin Laden in the next story...

You can choose characters from Resident Evil, Silent Hill, Metal Gear Solid, Tekken, Animorphs, Lucky Luke (he he), Worms (ha ha ha!) or we can have a car from Gran Turismo run over him...

The character/car who gets most votes will be in the next story.

E-mail me on: Ninjalinda@techfreak.to

Ninjalinda


	4. Bin Laden & (VS) Saddam Hussein VS Solid...

The Bin Laden VS ???? series.

Bin Laden & (VS) Saddam Hussein VS Solid Snake & Cyborg Ninja (& Bush)

Somewhere in Afghanistan:

The tune from James Bond could be heard on and off. Bin Laden picked up the cell phone.

-Bin Laden! he hissed into the phone.

-Bush here. the voice in the phone said. –I want to challenge you...

-How the hell did you get my number?!

-I promised not to tell... Bush snickered. –But anyway... I challenge you. A fight between you and my best men. What do you say?

-I don't have time for that!

-I think you do... You're afraid of loosing aren't you?

-Hell no!

-So do you accept?

-Yes! 

-Ok. Meet us at the warehouse in Kabul tonight.

-I'll be there.

-See you, Binny!

-Fuck you!

-I love you too.

Bin Laden hang up. Then he turned towards his men.

-How the hell did Bush get my number?! he asked then with his voice full of anger.

-I don't know. one of them answered, but he wasn't able to hide that he felt guilty.

Bin Laden walked over to him.

-You don't know? You're a bad liar... Now, how did he get my number?

-I told you I don't know!

-HOW DID HE GET MY NUMBER?!

-I don't know!

-How did he get my number! Tell me now or I'll shove this phone up your ass!

-Ok ok! I gave it to him! He said he would kill me if I didn't give it to him!

Bin Laden threw the cell phone at him. It hit him in his head and knocked him out.

-Get rid of that shit. he ordered two of his men. They picked up the remains of the phone.

-No, not THAT shit. Him! he pointed at the unconcious terrorist on the floor.

Bin Laden scratched his head.

-Who's my best man?

His counsellor raised his hand.

-I suggest that we put up a contest. Every one in the world can compete, and the winner will fight for you in the battle tonight.

-Hmm... Good idea.

Later:

-Here's the result! the counsellor came in the door.

Bin Laden turned towards him.

-So, who is it? Bring him in!

A small, dark man with a moustache came in.

 –Hi, Osama!

Bin Laden's jaw fell.

-No! Not him!!

Bin Laden slammed his head into the wall.

-Osama, calm down! You have enough screws loose; so don't mess up the others too! his counsellor grabbed him by his arm. –I'll present you to each other. This is Saddam. Saddam Hussein.

-I know! I know! Arrrrg!! Bin Laden pulled his turban over his eyes, so he didn't have to see Saddam.

-Hey, Take it easy, Osama. It's just me! Saddam said.

-Yes, it's just that! Bin Laden pulled his own beard. –You suck!

-Stop it! the counsellor broke in. –You have to work together now! No matter how much you hate each other!

-He hates me? Saddam's lips started to shiver.

-Yes, I do!! Bin Laden shouted.

-That hurts me... Tears started to appear in Saddam's eyes.

-Come on and cry! See if I care! Go on! Cry! Bin Laden teased.

-That's enough, Osama!! the counsellor began. –That's childish of you!

Bin Laden took a deep breath.

-You're right. We don't have time to argue now... Saddam. I'm sorry. Reeeeally sorry.

-He didn't mean it! Saddam cried and tried to get some support from the counsellor.

Bin Laden shrugged his shoulders.

-Of course I didn't mean it! But, now we have to go to the warehouse...

At the warehouse:

-Hi ya, Osama! Bush smiled an evil smile. –You got a fighter... HA HA HA!!

-That's what I said too... Bin Laden mumbled for himself and glared at Saddam.

-Well, let me present you to my fighter. This is Solid Snake.

A middle-aged, muscular man dressed in a sneaking suit entered the warehouse.

-By the way. Did I mention that this is a tag battle? That means that you and Saddam...

-Oh no!!! Bin Laden slammed his head into the iron door. –This is getting worse every minute!

-It won't get better if you don't stop slamming your head into the door. Saddam commented.

-Nothing can be worse than fighting side by side with you!

-Ok. Shall we begin? Bush asked.

-Let's finish it quick! Bin Laden hissed.

They got ready.

-Ready. FIGHT!

Bin Laden kicked Saddam towards Snake. 

–Take care of him, I'll fight Bush. Ahh.. Bush, I've waited for this!

-I'm sure you have.. Bush gave him a kick in the nuts.

-AAAAAAAAAHHHH!!! THE PAIN THE PAIN THE PAIN!!!

Saddam turned towards him. Snake saw his chance to hit his head. He shot out a fist, but Saddam suddenly ducked. Snake stumbled to the ground.

-Damn shoelaces. Saddam muttered.

-You're so lucky that it should've been forbidden! Bin Laden moaned, still lying on the ground holding his hands over his crotch.

-Get up! Bush kicked Bin Laden.

-As you wish! Bin Laden jumped up, flipped and kicked Bush in his face. Bush fell to the ground almost knocked out. He crawled off the fighting area.

Saddam looked amazed. 

–How did you do that?

-How the hell should I know? I just did it, ok?! Bin Laden hissed.

-Send in my substitute. Bush moaned from outside the area.

-Substitute? That's cheating!

-No.. The rules say that you can... Saddam began.

He stopped in the middle of the sentence, when a metallic ninja entered the area. It's katana blinked in the sunlight from the small windows in the warehouse.

-Oh shit... Bin Laden managed to say.

The cyborg ninja came over to him.

-So this is the guy? the ninja asked and studied the arab.

-Who the hell are you? Bin Laden asked.

-I'm not like you... and I'm sure damn glad I'm not! (You know... the sentence from MGS: "I'm like you...") the ninja said.

Bin Laden shook his head.

 –Why me? Why do I always have to end up with all these mentally fucked up people?! First Bush, then Saddam and now this!!! Why me?!

-You've forgotten about 11. September? Saddam asked foolishly. 

Bin Laden glared at him.

-Can I tell you something, Saddam?

-Go on.

-I really hate you!

-Oh, that's nice... Saddam smiled. –May I invite you to a romantic dinner tonight?

Bin Laden snorted. Then he leapt at Saddam and beat the shit out of him.

Bush, Snake and the cyborg ninja sat down and watched.

-This can be interesting... Bush said. –Asshole VS Asshole...

-But, Osamababy. Can't you come home to me tonight? Bring ten condoms, Vaseline, a naked picture of your ten year old son, and a Firestone tyre, then we can have fun by the fireplace like... AAAAARRRRRGH!

Bin Laden twisted Saddam's arm. 

–This is even better than killing Bush!

-Osama... Why are you doing this to me?

Bin Laden broke his arm.

 –Because I hate you! Is that answer good enough?

-But, darling... What's the problem?

-You! You're the problem! You've always been a pain in the ass!

Bin Laden grabbed him by the hair and slammed Saddam's head to the ground.

-Go, Osama! Kill him! Bush jelled. –That would make it a lot easier for me...

Bin Laden smashed Saddam's face to the ground. Saddam screamed and spitted. He had got his mouth full of sand and scars all over his face. Now he was mad...

-You bastard! he jumped on Bin Laden, but was blinded by the sand in his eyes.

Bin Laden quickly dodged him and grabbed his neck. And with a loud crack he broke it.

-Ahh... That felt good. he muttered and threw away the dead Saddam.

But then Solid Snake and the Cyborg Ninja came towards him.

-Uh oh...

Snake was about to attack, when the Cyborg Ninja held him back.

-Now what?! he asked.

-I'm tired and not in the mood for a fight right now. Let's finish this quick, ok? Let's use my katana and just chop his head off.

-No... I've got a better idea... Snake smiled for himself. –A fate worse than death...

Bush came over to them. 

–Let me hear...

Snake quickly explained.

-No! Not that! Please! I'll do anything you want, if you only kill me instead! Bin Laden protested. –Please let me die! Kill me, torture me, anything else than that!

-Commit suicide then... Bush said. –I think this is a great idea. Thanks, Snake!

-Please no!! Bin Laden wailed when they came to take him away.

Bin Laden's counsellor came over to them.

 –What was that all about?

Snake snickered. 

–I suggested that we give him a gender change and have him live in Afghanistan. See how much he likes the Taliban then...

The counsellor couldn't help it, but laughed. 

–Poor Bin Laden. Or should I say Bin Lady?

Later in Afghanistan:

-Damn this suit is hot! Bin Laden mumbled inside his woman clothes. –Why do women have to wear this?! It's torture!

One of his (her) former terrorists walked past him (her) on the street. He stopped and stared at Bin Laden.

-You have a really deep voice to be a woman... You sound more like a man...

-I am a man! Bin Laden shouted.

-Bin Laden? Is that you? the terrorist asked. 

-Yes it's me, Radjif!

-Why are you dressed like that? Radjif asked.

-Ehhh... It's my new disguise. So the Americans won't recognise me...

-Follow me back to the hideout. Radjif said and grabbed him (her) by the arm.

Soon they were safely back in the cave together with the other terrorists.

-Ok, you can take them off now. Radjif said and pointed at the dress Bin Laden was wearing.

-No! 

-Why not?

-I think it's comfortable!

-There's something strange about you... Radjif ripped off Bin Laden's clothes.

It was suddenly very quiet in the cave.

-I knew you were hiding something! one of the terrorists jelled. –You've taken a gender change! That's against Islam! We'll have to kill you for that!

-No! It's not like that!

Bin Laden didn't have time to say more, because he (she) had to run...

-After him! the terrorists jelled and went after him (her).

Bin Laden ran for his (her) life and he (she) knew that he (she) wouldn't live for long...

To be continued....

The rest is up to your imagination...

I'm sorry. The title says that Solid Snake and the Cyborg Ninja is going to fight Bin Laden and Saddam Hussein, but when I was writing I suddenly found out that I had wrote that Bin Laden and Saddam were fighting each other instead, and then I didn't want to change it... And I had to find an alternative ending... (Inspired by a mail I've got and a flash movie named: "PokeBush VS PokeOsama") Can you forgive me?

You decide who's gonna fight Bin Laden in the next story...

You can choose characters from Resident Evil, Silent Hill, Metal Gear Solid, Tekken, Animorphs, Lucky Luke (he he), Worms (ha ha ha!) or we can have a car from Gran Turismo run over him...

The character/car who gets most votes will be in the next story.

E-mail me on: Ninjalinda@techfreak.to

Ninjalinda


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